Lyrics

Will I run this time.. Seeking out the light
Before they race behind and grab me, take me back inside?
To align my madness, or to cure my dreams
They say an open mind is not something a screw up needs, but

I’m just the Fourth of May.
I’m just the space you use to say the things you say, and I
I’ve seen it all from so far down
And I’d rather lift off.. than drown.

When they lay me down.. I believe it’s fate
Yet another thousand people; they don’t think that way
But who am I to change, when a mind takes hold?
I’m a slave to games and pray I make it to be old, but

I’m just the Fourth of May.
I’m just the space you use to say the things you say, and I
I’ve seen it all from so far down
And I’d rather lift off.. than drown, drown, drown..

I am not concerned that there are holes in all my thoughts
It’s the only thing to push me on
They keep telling me to wait; see it through for one more day
But they will say that to anyone.
And they could be just anyone.

And I’m just the fourth of May..

Hold on to your gin,

Piece together all these dreams that made sense on a whim,

We’re all lost in the grid,

Showing off the keys knowing they’ll never let us in.

And you might die here, that’s alright – many men before you did & they all saw the light,

Yeah if you die here, that’s just life – one does not come without the other, loving brother; use it as you like.

Call this what you will,

Or call it nothing, just get on cause’ fretting makes you ill.

No-one looks the part,

Quite like a stern believer in the need to have a heart.

So have you had a heart today? Did you help out with your hands?

Not just promising to pray – not just watching as it lands,

And then once we build it back – do not thank the intervention,

When you know it wasn’t that it was too many hands to mention…

We might die here, that’s alright – many men before us did & they all saw the light,

Yeah if we die here, that’s just life – one does not come without the other, loving brother, use it as you like.

Use it as you like.

Use it as you..

Forgive me I’m a broken toy, sent here to bring you joy
But I must have got it wrong, and it would take far too long to fix
You can’t teach a bad girl good tricks, you can’t teach a bad girl good tricks
She will fall down – and in the tears she’ll surely drown

You thought you were broke yourself – was it you that taught me to choke myself?
It’s true asleep I am all I want, but here I’m a shadow of someone long gone.

Forgive me for I have your mind, in luck but out of line
I must have said something sad – to make you think I’m a bad person
You can’t say it’s better then make it worse, you can’t say it’s better then make it worse
You will fall down, and in the tears you’ll surely drown.

Chorus.

I break my fingers pointing blame, no one can stop it, I’m awake
And wondering where will we all stay tonight.
It’s not a hope that I have bought, things don’t turn out the way you thought
But after all the reckless nights, it’s alright

It carries me home, It carries me home
I fall like a lead weight, hold up my head, wait – just let me go
But it carries me home.

These are the tyrants, these are the moments, these are the fuck ups that we made
If I could hold you, if you could see me now I would say I feel the same
Nothing has changed, no – there’s not a day goes by I don’t think of you
Nothing has changed, no – there’s not a day goes by I don’t think of you
And it carries me on, it carries me on
I feel amazed that we live in cages all on our own
But it carries me on.

I can’t help that I’m unbearable in times of trouble
There’s a bullet that you wish you hadn’t fired
Feels a little bit like dying
But you smile and I keep trying, I keep trying.. it carries me home

I feel amazed that we live in cages all on our own
I fall like a lead weight, hold up my head, wait – just let go

But it carries me home.

I break my fingers pointing blame, how did it ever go this way
I’m wondering where will we both stay tonight?

It’s not a hope that I have bought, things don’t turn out the way you thought
But after all the reckless nights, it’s alright.. it carries me home.

Through all that wear their hate, could you navigate

To a brand new empty space?

You can keep your thoughts here, they’ll be safe

I’ll remind you everyday.

And for the better things, that you never seem to encounter,

Sounds are everything.

I can drag you back again. If you lose your happiness.

It’s nothing, I’ll carry on; cause I’m better off (well I better be)

It’s nothing, I’ll carry on; show the people just what they wanna see.

If I could wake you up, take that make-up off

Call you beautiful, you know I’d do it, though

I cannot make done what I said I’d do

When they ask me why I didn’t save you.

Appreciation’s great but it always comes too late

I get the sentiment but it’s a little empty when

We could take the hurt, yes

But we tell them “we didn’t see you for the dirt, and this God damn darkness..”

It’s nothing, I’ll carry on..

Through the pale grey tunnel to the sea; you can crawl out screaming next to me

Through the pale grey tunnel to the sea; you can crawl out screaming next to me

God has given me the key
But man has changed the lock
Why’d you change the lock on me?
So that I’d be forgotten.
Saw you dragging a razor blade
Across your arm
Said to do it five times a day
Won’t do you any harm

But I’m not of the conscience of leading the pack out of the way
It’s a matter of dreaming bigger than this, and learning how to say
I will not stab myself in the back
I will not join my chains up with the rest of the pack
What can we do with a mess a like this?

Stop giving orders – man in black
You’re not the king
You’re just like the rest of us
And you’re fucking up everything
Saw you signing an autograph
For a woman in blue
I couldn’t stand to see her bow her head – for you
Cause I’m not of the conscience of leading the pack out the way
It’s a matter of dreaming bigger than this, and learning how to say

Chorus

What can we do with a mess like this?

Once in the underground, you can never get out
Time’s like your energy; every second fills you with doubt
Don’t do it on your own, it’s a messed up world to take on
Let someone walk along – I’ll be your shadow if that’s what you want.
Do you want me? Do you want me to care?
Do you want me? Want me to be there..

Not as a lover, not for the night, not just another to share in your life
Everyone’s tried it; you can’t be fixed, atleast if I’m there we can both get our kicks.

Once in the Neverland – you won’t wanna go home
Don’t let it wash your mind; we all go mad on our own
It’s not embarrassing, it’s just a way we work it all out
I can be there for you; I can be there and not make a sound.

Pre-chorus. Chorus.

But I’ve let you down – I knew how hard it would be
You can let me down too; just tell me you don’t really need me

Chorus.

Everyone’s tried it, don’t waste your time – there’s too many Demons awake in my mind.

If I’m a young woman, then I must grow up
I get all these chances and I don’t show up
The dreamer in me – she never learns
You know if you need me I’m outside digging up, digging up worms.

This guitar man he won’t stop playing. This drunk man he won’t stop saying ‘I can’t stop swaying’
And I can’t stand this mayhem – everybody’s too unique for me.
I could run away now, so easily, chase the dream away now, and I’d be free
Don’t give me the day, nah – it ain’t mine. I take time. I take time
Till I ain’t got any left, and I think I might regret this day when I’m older
When people say ‘God why’s nobody told her?
Look ever your shoulder; that ain’t no boulder it’s somebody desperate to hold ya
And I wish we could have shown her
But she just got colder and colder.’
The rhythm it is something that you need it’s something that you breathe
Open up your lungs and be free..

Chorus.

Heaven holds a place for you, so you don’t have to chase the light.
You could be eighty three singing punk songs with me
A guitar in your hand and your head in the sand
But you’ll know, you’ll know, you’ll know – that you tried.
And you’ll know, you’ll know, you’ll know in your heart it was right.

Chorus.

Don’t need to see you, I’ll see you when I die
No mind to feel the heat that hit us from your eyes
And the boys that make the money, sit around our stuff
Guess it’s not the kind of scene that we’d been dreaming of

I love lying, don’t you

No love to fall in, we fall around instead
No handles on these years that lead us to the dead
And the girls that run the show, they don’t know who you are
Guess it’s not the kind of medicine they’d put inside a heart

I love lying; don’t you..
I love lying.. Don’t you.

Call the sun back – he’s going the wrong way
We spend our lives just waiting for this kind of day
If it all should fall apart, well.. never mind at all
You know you had to climb so high; to get the chance to fall.

I would write, and you would call
But we’d say nothing ever changes
If it cuts deep.. then it must mean
These were not just phases.

I feel lost.. finding you.

Are these roads or memories?
They are taking me out of my head.
I guess only time will tell
If you were moved, by anything I said.

I feel lost.. finding you, and I would dream on.. if dreams came true.

You know I would change, and I would fall
Right back into your life
Coz if it cuts deep, then it must mean
We were doing something right.

But I got lost, finding you.. I would dream on, if dreams came true
And I’m sorry.. that I won’t do.

I watch how the old tree grows and I think I wish I had me one of those
To remind me some things nobody knows.
You asked and I told – Hell yeah, it shows.

Silence is making me sad, I think you should warn me when things will be bad
I’m in a strange place where nothing makes sense, I find it much easier to sit on the fence
If I had one pound for every bad word – I’d be the richest woman in the world
I don’t need you to fill in my gaps, if I’m going down now I wanna go down as I fight back.

Chorus.

Sunlight is hurting my eyes, we only came here so that you could win the grand prize
It’s a fine time for making up songs, you can twiddle those strings as I sing all the things we did wrong
I’m on a rocket to Mars – I’m tired of this world every story seems such a farce
And I’d rather sit on my arse. If nothing makes sense then I may as well chase cars..

Chorus.

https://soundcloud.com/rebeccacullenmusic/hell-yeah-it-shows

Sit in the corner shaking your head, save me a cigarette waiting by the bed, and tomorrow
We’ll do it all again.

So you see what you’ve done; you made a big mess out of your number one
Well I’m not really sure, so please don’t ask me – if I care anymore.

Chorus.

The lights, the love, the letters – I’m seeing the end of the world
Oh, if only they’d forget us – in this dream where the future seems to unfurl

Holiday.. Holiday.. Holiday..

Open your mind, but not too much; don’t let your brain fall out
On to the pavement – I cannot save you

Chorus.

https://soundcloud.com/rebeccacullenmusic/holiday

Welcome to living on the bitter side – hope you’ve been giving enough to stay alive
When all of this shit gets in your head – it’s gonna haunt you until the day you’re dead.
But read between lines; could it be true? You fucked it all up and we’ve forgiven you
And now the shadows are dripping down, before we get in we need to calm down…

So take a deep breath, and let go – or we’ll only be left with Homegrown
Take a deep breath, and let go – or we’ll only be left with Homegrown.

Could this be over, if no one wins? Lift me from nowhere, away from all my sins
We never know what believing means, we’re never quite sure why everyone’s in teams
We battled for this, whoever knew – our every intention started coming true
Some things that we’re taught can drag us down; we keep leaving voices just hanging around.

Chorus.

Some build castles, we dig holes; take a deep breath, and let it go.

We’re never sure who’s hurting who, but hurting anyone is hurting you.
So take a deep breath. Take a deep breath.

Take a deep breath, and let go; or we’re gonna be left on our own.

https://soundcloud.com/rebeccacullenmusic/homegrown

The iron sky has opened up and flowers fall to earth
All of the beauty there can be
Your eyes say you already know what the light of life is worth
And that everything deserves a chance to be.

You bottled up the sadness and threw it to the sea
You said ‘Everyone deserves to be free’.

May you wake up to the liars and the lovers and the sun
And know that what will be is just what was always done
That nothing can take you away from where you’re meant to be
You are the you they made just right and you’re the only one.

You bottled up the sadness and you threw it to the sea
You said ‘Everyone deserves to be free’
And you held us up so high and said ‘Forgiveness is the key.
Everyone deserves to be free’

The race is long so take your time, the end ain’t what they say
No one can tell you who to be.
The better parts of everything you’ll find along the way
Love and be loved and stand up for what you believe.

We bottled up the sadness and threw it to the sea
We said ‘Everyone deserves to be free.’
We held you up so high and said ‘Forgiveness is the key.
Everyone deserves to be free’

I dislike the way you say these songs are for the end of day
Like my tattoo is upside down, how can it be, I’m right way round?
And I’ve got off this same old train a thousand times, go round and round,
Fires they will burn me down but this old flame just turns me brown..

Cut out the God and let me go, let me go
Cut out the God and let me go.
Stories that make you cry will make the happy times so fine
I don’t know why we’re born but we are home so let’s drink wine.

I’ve lived in an empty house alone with over seven mouths to feed
I knew the day I left would be the day my soul was freed, so
Don’t say that’s she’s too big or he’s too old or we’re too empty
I am the angry voice of love and jealousy has sent me.

Chorus.

I don’t love you anymore, I would not give a penny for your thought
Your thoughts are all too doom and gloom.
This is the painful truth, the rain, tin roof, repetitive complaint;
You are the loudest thing in most rooms.

Chorus.

Cut out the God and let me go, let me go.
Cut out the God and let me go.

Walking through the den of the hardest lions – you say you’re happy, but you can’t stop crying, it’s fine
Stop it now.
They can keep talking, we’ll keep ignoring – we’re not people, we’re just a story, it’s fine
We’re still around.

They say he’s running out of time.
They say his ticket ain’t worth shit in this line.
They say alot of things
Why don’t you ask him? Why don’t you ask him? Why don’t you..

Talking of the days and nights that you’ve tasted – you still wake up in a heartless wasteland, it’s fine
It doesn’t bother me.
But falling from the clouds to the coldest ground and you’re picking up the devils if they won’t come round, darling, why?
There’s so much more to be.

Chorus.

Why don’t you set the bar a little higher this time, and give the boy a break?
You could talk the tallest buildings down with all the noise you make
Still you keeping going, going, until you finally get some tears
You call it advice, how is it advice – if it never meets his ears?
Why don’t you just ask him?

V1.

Little birds, they talk all day.
Spitting out words with nothing real to say.
If you wanna know why he did what he did
Just ask him. Just ask him. Why don’t you..

Blurry eyed he throws the rules away, I hand him all the promises I can
And if there comes a time we’re fine not understanding; he’ll be as Manic as I am.

He said ‘Whatever you thought you knew; forget it, and whatever is haunting you; don’t let it.’
Oh but baby maybe you should see what you might find; if you take a little walk inside my mind
But it isn’t for the best, and he said ‘I already did this, and I didn’t love you any less’.

So we made a start I fell apart again, but he’s making me happy
I said ‘if ever Heaven takes me up forever, would you be glad that you had me?’
Blurry eyed he throws the rules away, I hand him all the promises I can
If there comes a time we’re fine not understanding; he’ll be as Manic as I am.

Chorus.

Once more through the snow my dear – I’ll get out and push
For I had remembered an old idea, but the voice in my head said ‘Shush’.

When I speak to you I’m instantly regretful – my words are lined with fire and my tone is disrespectful
Forgive me, it’s just that every time you’re with me – the voices in my head find yours instead
And then they give me away; for a neater place to stay
Somewhere the only care is with which other hearts to play
You make me angry, and I know it’s nothing new
But I try to smile, it lasts a while, then once again there’s you and so I fuck up
Stare at the ground, refuse to look up, yeah I hold on to the peace; hand you the bottle that I shook up
Coz I pass it on. Sometimes we laugh along, sometimes we’re having fun, but I have to run
I am someone who hasn’t done the brave things
Time and time again my heart it caves in, my mind ignores the vibe within
I need you. I hate it, but it’s true.
I have the tools to move on but I fall down without you
And I don’t mean to rip you at the seams
I know that I abuse the power you invest in me, but we both do that
And in the end it’s all a game – the world will keep on spinning, I’ll keep bringing up your name
Until I can’t speak, ’till I can’t regret my words – I’ll just listen, as the vision says you’re all I ever heard.
All else was noise. All else was noise.

Chorus.

I won’t amount to anything you said
So I amount to everything instead
The fire and the flame are very different things.
You stay where you are, I am everywhere
The lover and the liar, don’t just stare
Things were very different when I didn’t sing.

I need you like I needed to sleep all day
It’s bad for me but makes the time fly away
And there is always more.
I don’t deserve apologies anyway
I’m over like the old and the better days
I should feel so pure. I should feel so pure.

You knew that I was listening when you said those words
You’ll only end up pissing in the wind, I heard
So don’t associate with anybody real.
I gave you all my everything I’d ever known
You dragged my body miles away from my soul
But those things didn’t hurt because I couldn’t feel.

I need you like I needed to sleep all day…

Pure : Acoustic Video

Fighter comes home, all skin and bone, soaking himself in pride
Look in his eyes, he’ll tell you those lies that make everything alright
But look at his body, seems something odd, he says ‘Man, I’m so ashamed’
Life through a camera; hold out your hand while I turn and run away.

Usually, the master plan dares you – not if who you are scares you.

Lady got nothing yet marks that your mother had, how did you follow suit?
Knowing full well she’s laughing though hell; she cried till her skin went blue
She prayed for a moment, said ‘Man, I’m so spent; wasting my life with him’
Burning the past and hoping you’ll last to tell how it’s really been.

Usually, the master plan dares you. Usually, the master plan dares you – not if who you are scares you.

Kid, you look wired; mixed up and tired, watching the summer end
Wrote it all down, but too full of doubt that you’d keep your only friend
Look at your breaking heart see you’re shaking how could you keep it in?
If something goes wrong, we just carry on – life won’t let us always win.

Usually..

I’ve landed on the ground – It’s better down here
Where every little sound is a sign of something
And we potter around, as if we’re heading somewhere
But we’re headed where the lonely go, it can’t be good there

If you’re on the river, I am the storm
I’ll make you shiver but I’ll turn you on
And on a long and lonely road you know I need a little.. satisfaction
The river is long but the water is warm
So don’t you be worrying about when I’m gone
I’ll be hopping from cloud to cloud, reading the future.. and shouting it down.

It started as a fear, but now it’s envy
I’m just about as green as any undead can be
Whatever you have heard, let me drown it out
We can’t whisper in hell but fuck it we can shout

Chorus.

Nothing makes more sense, than letting life be
Whatever you may try – one day you will forget me
And if you feel alone, belonging nowhere
Keep moving on and know that most of us have been there

Chorus.

He’s got everything he needs

A thousand acres and 20 thousand seeds

But he finds it hard to breathe

“I tried to make things happen, but things kept happening to me”

We went over to the edge

Just to see what it would look like if we left

But a minute was an hour, was a day, a lifetime

And they still haven’t saved us yet

You can go that way, I will go this

Then we will know just what we have missed

Over the danger, under the net

Screaming at strangers and losing our heads

We can meet up in the dead of the night

Talk of the wounded we left in the fight

Sit until sun rise, hopeless and cold

Wondering how we are suddenly old.

We have everything we need

Someone waiting there and someone we can leave

But we haven’t had our dreams

Or so it seems; so it always seems

Chorus

He’s got lies from the heart, he’s got hands on the world

Like the coat of a God; keep it warm and unheard.

He’s been out of the way, he’s been inside your mind,

Call him up for a talk; keep him locked up outside.

He’s had moments to live over years just to die,

Scattered thoughts in the wind hang like tears from an eye,

And if ever you lose, what you came here to get,

You can crawl to his door with your Soulful Regret.

I wish I had more time to be fine.

I wish I had more time to be good.

You didn’t fit, you hypocrite, now move along – get on with it,

Soulful Regret. Soulful Regret.

He’s been coins in your pocket and food on your plate,

When you’ve strayed from the path he has shown you the way.

For a dream you let go – for a poem, a song,

And you wince and deny ever having done wrong.

He is not who you think, it is not for a King

Why we write like we do; why we bother to sing.

Cut us up like confetti and throw us around,

Still we dance, and we smile, fill the room up with sound..

I wish I had more time to be wild.

I wish I had more time to be free.

You didn’t fit, you hypocrite, now move along, get on with it,

Soulful Regret. Soulful Regret. Soulful Regret.

And suddenly you’re gone. This life, this dream, was not the one.

And how we hold you up so high. How we kiss, that lie, goodbye.

I wish I had more time to be fine. I wish I had more time to be good.

I woke and you were screaming, so I broke into your dream and

Left my prints around.

It’s not because I love you, it’s cause I can’t stop dreaming of you

And you don’t dream of me.

We lived behind the water, and the Queen became our daughter

Impossible, you say, well the sands became the seas

And the end became the means, and it’s not ok

The Captain’s called a meeting; everybody stand

And I can tell he’s teething; so raise up your left hand

And swear you’ll be forgiving – to everybody in the world. No matter what. No matter what.

If all you have is sorrow, then your kids will only follow;

Wise behind their smiles.

It’s hard to have a heart, when every beat tears you apart

And nobody knows.

The Captain’s called a meeting…

Thank you for speaking so loudly, on my behalf

Thank you for speaking so proudly, on my behalf

Thank you for speaking so freely, on my behalf

Thank you for kneeling so freely, on my behalf.

Whatever makes you happy, I do it without thought
But whatever makes you sad goes in mind and gets caught
I think about it all too much; the same old things wearing me down
I want to love so softly but – I always only throw you around
I asked you are you happy, and I fell for what you said. I know the light is somewhere, I just haven’t found it yet.
Apparently I’m obsessed, compulsively disordered; some people have a way with life, some people find it harder
I wish that I was better now, to laugh at the past. We’re younger than we need to be, and yet we grew up so fast

They asked us are we happy, and they fell for what we said. I know the light is somewhere, I just haven’t found it yet.

If ever my intentions change, I’ll be gone before you know.
Maybe you can rely on me, or maybe I should hurry up and go.
You asked me am I happy, and you fell for what I said.
I know the light is somewhere, I just haven’t found it yet. I just haven’t found it yet.

The Light : Acoustic Video

I have woke up in the back seat of your dream
And I cannot cut the corners, because I am not what I seem
Every driver in this city, every breather of this air
Calls it home, acts like they’re too new to care.
I am drinking of the only water left
Lying down beside the river, land that shivers as I step
And before I get the chance to forgive you what you did
This water comes pouring over it.

Wake up – lay down your lie
Take off – let it run, don’t let it run dry.

I am trapped here in the fortress of your mind
Shoot you down if you should whisper something hurtful or unkind
And if all of this should fall, and crush you where you lay;
May tomorrow save us from today.

[soundcloud url=”https://soundcloud.com/rebeccacullenmusic/rebecca-cullen-the-only-water-left” params=”color=000000&auto_play=false&show_artwork=false” width=” 100%” height=”166″ iframe=”true” /]

Over the razor sharp fences and up through the town, where they play
I couldn’t follow for long, headed home coz I know.. where you lay
And you.. you remind to me to smile
And you.. make a dire canal seem like The Nile.

All but the answers are called out as we scrape around.. for light
Words appear manic, and careless has started to sound.. right
But you.. you remind me to smile.
And you.. make a dire canal seem like The Nile.

They drive ahead at full speed and you follow
All that you see is the need to be hollow
Fear is the thought you were born as you are
And the mad and this muse it has dragged you so far
And it hurts like a poison surrounding your heart
And the faster the beat the closer to the start that you are
Over and over and I couldn’t follow it
Over and over and I keep on following.. Over and over..

But you.. you remind me to smile
And you.. make a dire canal seem like The Nile.

Nobody said stop
Fewer said go
We stay right here, regardless, coz it’s
All we know.

And I bet thousands of people are watching
As you stumble through the glass
It’s too late, there is nothing you can say
You moved, too fast. You moved too fast.

Maybe we won’t be understood
Till the day that we are born
Still we give it out, we give it in, but we don’t give it up, coz it’s not what
We can afford.

And I bet thousands of people are watching
As you stumble through the glass
It’s too late, there is nothing you can say
You moved, too fast. You moved too fast.

You could run right past us, let this shit surpass us
And think no one even knew
But if you could save it, then we know we’ve made it
When nobody looks but you.

Nobody looks at you.

Maybe nobody was watching
As you stumbled through the glass
It’s too late, there is nothing you can say
You moved , too fast. You moved too fast.

You throw the stone, into the sea, and it disappears
Love is here, but sometimes – it’s a kiss of fear

Everyone comes here for the same reason
Don’t be scared. Don’t be scared.
Everyone comes here with the same dreams and
Sometimes it isn’t fair. We’ve all been there.

If you don’t want – to carry on, just say the word
Coz if you don’t, soon you’ll be gone – and you won’t be heard

Everyone comes here for the same reason
Don’t be scared. Don’t be scared.
Everyone comes here with the same dreams and
Sometimes it isn’t fair, but I’ll be there for you..

You were worthlessly perfect today
When we were perfectly worthless anyway (x2)

You threw the stone. You threw the stone, didn’t you? You threw the stone.

Chorus.